Meeting up with Cousin Ian

 

Tonight I met up with my first cousin Ian and his wonderful wife Julia Ann for the very first time. He chose a cosy family Italian restaurant in Waterloo, London

Ian is the son of my late maternal uncle, Robert James (Jim) Matthews, and for various reasons our paths had never crossed until now. Yet from the moment we sat down, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion that had simply taken its time.

In September, Ian and Julia Ann will be visiting North Wales, and other members of the family are already organising a meal in Denbigh to welcome them properly into the large Matthews clan. It will be a chance for everyone to meet him, and strengthen all the family ties that have been stretched across years and geography but never truly faded. I hope to be there as well.

Tonight was the beginning of something long overdue.

Margaret Gray: A Tribute

We held the church service at St Mary's then buried Mum on Thursday in Denbigh Town cemetery. Many thanks to the Church, funeral directors and staff at the Guildhall for a wonderful service, funeral and wake. 

Also, to our family and friends, who came from near and far, to show respect, share our grief but also to celebrate Mum's life. A lot of laughter as well as tears. 

Special thanks to Matthew for his very special tribute to his Nain and also to Rachel and Hannah for sharing with us the privilege of being pallbearers. We had a special family time with David via Facetime across the pond in Arizona. 

I have been overwhelmed with kindness and understanding in person and online. Below is my tribute from the service to Mum. 

"I would like to thank everyone, family and friends, for being here today to help Helen, Lucy and I remember and also celebrate the life of our mother, Margaret Gray.

Mum was born Margaret “Matthews” in Denbigh in 1941. Daughter of Fredrick and Hannah. It was a large family by modern standards, she had 7 brothers and sisters

Joyce, David, Ann, Rose, Jean, Jim and Dan. Sadly most are now gone but we still have Auntie Ann and Auntie Rose with us today.

My Taid was a decorated hero in World War One, who met Nain when they both worked pre NHS in a local hospital. I believe that all the children at some point in their lives worked in the famous Denbigh hospital as nurses, administration staff, technical, porters, chiefs and drivers. Our Mum was a nurse there before she met our father Johnnie.

They married and set up home in Buckley where Mum juggled bringing us up with various jobs such as a secretary for a glazing company and then working for the motor tax in Mold. The family later moved along the north wales coast and ended up first in Holywell then Colwyn Bay. The marriage didn’t work out and she and Dad parted. She came back to Denbigh for several years before moving to an exceptional flat in Llys Awelon, Ruthin which she absolutely loved and which she relished decorating and tastefully furnishing.

Her children, her grandchildren Mathew, Hannah, Rachel, David and now her great grandchildren, Evan and Rohan, were most important to her but she also loved good food, her audio books, watching her telly, politics and buying bargains on the internet.

A few years ago in her 70s she had unexpectedly asked us for a iPad as her Christmas present. She had never previously shown much interest in the internet but within a little while she was up and running with internet banking and buying everything she needed online, especially if it was at a discount. Sometimes she would make the odd error and order 8 pairs of slippers instead of 1 but Helen would dutifully take back the returns on her weekly visits.

More seriously, I think it is important to bring up that life had been at times, very difficult for Mum and the wider family. Mum did suffer at times from mental health issues which impacted not only on her but also those who loved her.

The final chapter in Mums life was dominated by physical health problems and the 3 of us pay tribute to the staff at Llys Awelon and our NHS who cared for her until the very end.

The end came suddenly on March 14 but not unexpected, she passed peacefully in her sleep in her beloved home. Alas, she did not meet her ambition to outlive her own maternal Nain, who lived until she was 90. And I know Mum would be annoyed about that.

But the memory I will treasure is from September last year when we received the call from hospital that all families must dread. Please come to see your mum ASAP. Ironically it was the same day that it was announced that the late Queen Elizabeth was unwell. As I drove up from London I was convinced that both were already gone. However, despite being seriously ill, within 24 hours she was alert and awake, joking and gossiping with the 3 of and making plans to return to her home.

This is the memory I will cherish. So goodbye Mum. Thank you for the many, many good times and good bye".  

Margaret Gray, nee Matthews 1941-2023

Helen, Lucy and I lost our Mum on Tuesday evening. She died at her home in Ruthin peacefully in her sleep. She had been in poor health for quite some time but we did not expect to lose her so soon.

The picture of Mum pushing one of us in a pram, shows her looking young and glamorous. She always said that she was at her happiest when looking after us.

We would like to invite family and friends to her funeral service which will take place at 1pm Thursday 6 April at St Mary’s Church, Lenton Pool, Denbigh LL16 3LG.

The burial will be at 2pm at Denbigh Cemetery, Ystrad Rd, Denbigh LL16 4RH.

The Wake will take place after in Guildhall Tavern, Hall Square, Denbigh LL16 3NU. Please confirm if able to attend for catering purposes john.gray2012@icloud.com

Funeral directors RW Roberts & Son, Gorffwysfa, Ystrad Rd, Denbigh, LL16 4RH.

Flowers welcome or donations to Hope House Children’s Hospice

(hopehouse.org.uk)

John, Helen & Lucy Frisby

Grandchildren Matthew, Rachel, Hannah & David. Great Grandchildren Evan & Rohan

Student Nurse Margaret Matthews circa 1960

Off message but marvellous picture of my Mum, Margaret Gray (nee Matthews) when she was a student mental health nurse aged 18 in Denbigh, North Wales around 1960 (she is on the left).

It was originally in a local newspaper (?) and our family had thought we had lost the picture but my first cousin, Melanie, was told by her fathers cousin, Beryl, that it was on a Denbigh social media page and she sent it to my Mum on Facebook.

Nothing to do with family escapes the Taff Mafia!

My Mum was one of 8 children and all of them I believe worked in this very large mental health hospital in Denbigh. The girls were mostly nurses or office workers and the boys porters. My Grandparents even met when working in a nearby hospital.

Mum remembers this photo and the very strict Sister (who is sitting down).

The traditional large mental health hospitals have now closed down in favour of small community based provision. While I understand why this has happened I am not sure that such provision is best for everyone. 

Happy New Year (Blwyddyn Newydd Dda) 2018

May you find your pot of gold in 2018. Then of course, immediately distribute it amongst the masses :)

Picture from hills overlooking Denbigh, North Wales.

What to do when you retire?

I was going to make a serious Boxing Day post on poverty and low pay but thought I would be a bit of a Christmas misery.  So I have posted this instead.

It made me smile anyway :) 

Hat tip Denbigh, North Wales on Facebook

Captain Frederick John Matthews MC: Royal Naval Division

This is the scanned picture of my Teid (my Welsh maternal grandfather) which I received yesterday morning.  In the beginning of the First World War there were too many volunteers for the Royal Navy. So Winston Churchill created the Royal Naval Division which fought on land but retained Naval ranks and traditions.  

"It was regarded as a highly efficient fighting force and played a prominent part in some of the bloodiest battles of the war".

Teid had volunteered to join the Navy in 1915 and was sent to the RND.  He eventually became a Captain (temporary wartime commission RNVR). He fought in Gallipoli and on the Western front in the First World War. In 1917 he was awarded a Military Cross for attacking and capturing a German Machine Gun post and taking 40 prisoners.

After the War he became a Regular Warrant Officer in the Royal Welch Fusiliers and in the Second World War he was a Warrant officer in the Royal Air Force.  So he served in all three Armed Services.  I was 9 when he died in 1971.

This picture is important to me.  I have waited a long time to get a copy.  It was obviously displayed in pride of place in my grandparents' home in Denbigh, North Wales.  Together with the actual Military Cross and the Certificate of Honour from his hometown of Abercarn.  All my (seven) maternal aunties and uncles also had copies displayed prominently in their homes.  I am sure that many families can relate to this experience.

However, equally important to the Mathews family, Teid, was also known as someone who would stand up for ordinary people in the local community.  Someone who write and send letters to Landlords, employers, the Bank, the Council or whoever - on behalf of those who could not express themselves in this way.

In our family we took pride in him representing ordinary working people as well in his bravery in Battle.

Margaret Gray

Last week I posted a picture of my old Dad, the original John Gray, a Labour Councillor and trade union activist. Since then I have been asked about my Mum and also her contribution to my politics and who I am.

My Mum is a “Matthews”, born in Denbigh, North Wales, and was brought up with 7 brothers and sisters in a Council flat overlooking the town. She still lives in Denbigh and is a committed lifelong supporter of Labour.

The picture is of Mum with my little sister, Lucy, at a Pontin’s holiday camp in the early 1970’s.

I love this picture.

Of course I will never, ever, tease my now grown up little sister about it:)

The Last Fighting Tommy - my Taid’s Last Comrade

The recent death of the last surviving British World War One veteran Harry Patch has I think made many of us stop and stare for least a moment or two. There is a real sense that we have witnessed the end of a historical era.

The last living unwilling British participant and witness of trench warfare in the so-called Great War has now died.

Harry was a plumber who was conscripted into the army and fought in the Battle of Passchendaele in 1917. After months of combat he was wounded in a shell explosion which killed 3 of his close friends. More than 70,000 British troops died in this one awful battle. By the time that Harry was fully recovered from his wound the war was over.

My Taid (my welsh grandfather, my mum’s dad) also served in the First World War. Like Harry, he was a machine gunner in the trenches. His division (The Fighting 63rd - Royal Naval Division) also fought at Passchendaele where they lost 2,000 men. I am not sure if my Taid was at this battle since he never talked about this or any of his war experiences (he volunteered in 1915). He had won a Military Cross shortly before the battle. Ironically this award which was for risking his life to capture a German machine gun post and sizing forty prisoners may have actually saved him. Since military records show he was given leave for the investiture at Buckingham Palace at the height of the Battle.

I remember my Taid even though he died when I was 7. My memory is of a very gentle man in a wheelchair reading me aloud childish children’s stories with great relish.

His Military Cross and picture of him as a young confident solider held absolute pride of place in the living room of my Nain’s Council flat in Denbigh. It was next to the “Certificate of Honour” from his home town of Abercarn. A copy of which I stare at now.

Goodbye then Harry Patch, if there is an afterlife, (which sadly of course I doubt) then hopefully my Taid, your comrade at arms, Frederick John Matthews, will be there to welcome you with your long lost mates.

Shall we shed a tear or two at the thought of that meeting?